Love Isn’t Enough to Make a Relationship Work

Is there a secret formula for healthy, conflict-free relationships?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O’Malley have an insightful yap session about why so many people approach dating and relationships like they’re trying to solve a logic puzzle, and why that often creates more frustration than it solves.

From clients who expect their therapists to “fix them” to people who would do anything to avoid the friction that comes with being around other people, Harris and Liz have a lot to say about what it means to be vulnerable, the necessity of doing hard things, and how therapy is most effective.

Highlights of the episode:

• Liz’s love for Couples Therapy (you should totally add it to your watchlist!)

• Why love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship

• Breaking up is not failing!!!

• Harris’ boomer opinion about technology…but he’s not wrong 😉

Everyone wants the perfect dating advice or script to say, and while Liz and Harris can’t promise that, they can promise thoughtful discussion and practical tips to help you nurture healthy relationships.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Intro and welcome

00:45 - People who don’t see therapists as human

02:20 - Why understanding why you do something isn’t enough to change

03:35 - The biggest myth TV teaches us about therapy

04:20 - Therapists pay attention to how you relate to them as a person

06:15 - Looking for the “right words” instead of real connection

07:30 - Changing your appearance won’t fix deeper insecurities

08:00 - How watching Couples Therapy exposes relationship pitfalls

11:30 - Why people search for loopholes instead of accountability

15:56 - Why so many people want therapy to “fix” their partner

17:35 - Couples therapy isn’t appropriate for abusive relationships

19:25 - How manipulative people can pull therapists into unhealthy dynamics

21:20 - “The yogurt isn’t the problem” and seeing the bigger picture

23:10 - Dating while neurodivergent

25:00 - Why pretending to be someone else hurts future relationships

26:30 - Objecting to a marriage

29:10 - Love isn’t enough to make people compatible

30:40 - Waiting for someone to change vs. accepting reality

32:10 - Why we stay in relationships long after we should leave

34:10 - Healthy relationships can end and still be successful

35:30 - It’s okay to be the “villain” in someone else’s story

38:55 - You can’t control how other people feel about you

40:05 - Clean endings hurt less than prolonged suffering

40:55 - Technology has lowered our tolerance for discomfort

42:45 - Conflict already exists, you don’t create it by speaking up

44:00 - Learning to tolerate friction in relationships

46:15 - Generational differences, boredom, and resilience

50:22 - There is no perfect relationship formula

52:10 - The limits of logic in relationships

54:00 - The Imago exercise from Cultivating Connections

57:20 - ADHD, executive dysfunction, and why “lazy” isn’t the whole story

1:00:30 - Everyone wants to be understood first

1:02:00 - Dating doesn’t need more buzzwords

1:04:40 - Purity culture, loopholes, and relationship myths

1:06:00 - Growing up through moral panics

1:09:45 - Final dating takeaways and relationship recommendations

1:13:30 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

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